decisions, decisions, decisions

As a Mom, we are always making choices for our children. I know that I question the choices that I make for my girls on an almost daily basis. Some of the decisions and choices I have to make are insignificant like....which outfit will they wear today? Some are much more significant and have the potential to impact lots of other choices I make. I know that most of my friends always question the choices that they make for their children on a daily basis too, so I am not alone in this dilema.

I always joke with my married friends that in some ways it is so much easier being single. After all, I always agree with myself regarding discipline, what to give them to eat, where to go for fun, etc. Of course, in many ways it is difficult, but most of all because I AM THE ONLY ONE making some difficult decisions for them. I have an amazing Mom that I can (and do) always bounce my ideas off of her, but ultimately I make the major decisions by myself, like any other parent.

Some are easy decisions....some not so easy. Some I feel good about....some I don't feel so good about. I remember one of my first major decisions I had to make....the controversial...to immunize or not to immunize. I knew I wanted to immunize my girls, but I felt strongly (or at least I thought I did) about either delaying or separating some of the immuizations. I marched into that first office visit (remember that Emily was 8 months old when I brought her home) confident that she would NOT be getting that MMR. I LOVE my pediatrician.....but I left that visit feeling guilty, defeated, and a bit angry....because Emily DID in fact get the MMR. I know about all of the studies that say there isn't any correlation between the immunization and Autism, but I live it through the many children I see in my school building every day.......I hear the parent's stories....I see that data and the studies that don't support the theory that some immunizations are related to the high incidences to autism.

I wasn't strong enough that day in my peds office, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I made the best decision at the time. In Emily's case, she had no reaction....but what if she had. How would I have lived with that decision.

Our journey with Alyssa has been difficult. She is a sweet and cuddly baby, who has THE STRONGEST personality of anyone I have ever met. Her behavior can turn on a dime and she keeps us on our toes to contstantly try to be one step ahead of her. That means that I always have to plan....plan ways to give her choices in EVERYTHING we do, give her amble time to readjust to new things and transitions, wait out the tantums, provide her with replacement behaviors, etc. Don't get me wrong, when she is having a good day she is wonderful. You would hardly think that she had any challenges at all and we are having more and more "good" days. She has been evaluated by a nuerologist and no specific diagnosis was given, jus the standard.....come back in 6 months. The decision I made was NOT to go back. I didn't particulary care for the doctor and I wasn't particularly looking for any diagnosis. Through EI she has had awesome services and I have NEVER had to fight for what she needs, the support she needs, etc. So we won't be going back to that doctor.

Tomorrow we go to the school district for a CPSE meeting. I made the decision (there's that word again) to transition Alyssa out of EI early. For many reasons.....and after MANY sleepless nights. I can still change my mind at the 11th hour since she can technically stay in EI until August. It really all depends on the outcome of our meeting tomorrow at the district. If they give me what I feel she needs, it probably is best if we transiton her. That means I give up some things that EI offers me, but it also means she *may* gain more time in a classroom. Isn't that where she will develop the coping skills that she is so in need of learning????

Once again, I will question my decisions.....but in the end, I have a beautiful, healthy girl who I will fight to the end to get what she deserves...problem is I am usually fighting the tears through these meetings........ :-)

I pray that all of you that are making tough decisions for your kids will feel good about what you decide and I pray that I make the correct decisions for my girls too......good thoughts and vibes are appreciated.

Can we fast forward and skip tomorrow altogether?????? hehehehehe


Sorry for the rant....cute pictures coming soon!!!

M