First week down and one "wobbly" tooth

Well, Alyssa completed her first full (well almost full since we had off on Monday) week of school in her new classroom. She transitioned AMAZINGLY!!! She went into the new room without hesitation and didn't look back. She went on the bus, no problem. This class is more structured than her previous EI class, so they are seeing more of the off task and self-directed behaviors that I always see at home. Her previous class, while wonderfully nurturing was very much child-initiated. Great for a child who loves to be self-directed and will engage in self-selected activities FOREVER. Not great if that is an area that needs to be worked on. Alyssa needs to be able to accept more adult direction. She needs to learn how to transition when activities are not necessarily "preferred." She needs to initiate help and interactions. She had many opportunities to do all of these things this week and she shocked us all with the ease in which she did it. I am realistic that this just may have been the "honeymoon." But I am truly overcome with joy and pride. My sweet girl has come soooooo far. This past holiday season she nearly brought us all to tears as she joyfully jumped into the arms of a good family friend. NOT TYPICAL.....AT....ALL. She is growing and blossoming and becoming more at ease with the world. The sky is the limit and for the first time in a long time....I can breathe. I can cautiously breathe that she will overcome these obstacles or at least develop the coping skills that she needs to feel good about herself and less stressed.

Emily had her own milestone this week and I am as equally weepy over it. During breakfast this morning, I was doing my typical morning craziness routine...coaxing them to eat....blow drying my hair....settling arguments, etc. Emily starts complaining that her tooth hurts so bad that she can't eat her breakfast. Yeah right, just a new tactic to avoid eating. I tell her to swallow and then I check her teeth. We discover a loose front tooth. She began to grin and shouted, "I HAVE A WOBBLY TOOTH." We were both excited about the prospect of a visit from the tooth fairy, but to tell you the truth. Deep down inside, I felt a pang of sadness. My baby is going to loose her first tooth. Not like she is going on her first date (God help me), but sad to me nonetheless. Every new stage is fun and wonderful (most of the time), but I don't want them to grow up......I DON'T, I DON'T, I DON'T!!!! If I say it long enough and loud enough, you think they won't.



Nah, I didn't think so........

One meeting down and one migraine almost over

The meeting went great. I woke up with the worst migraine. I haven't had one like that in ages. The committee was more than understanding and will provide Alyssa with awesome services. Her program will pretty much mirror her EI program but instead of a 2 1/2 hour class, she will move to a 4 hour integrated class 5 days per week. They even added another service for her which I think will be a great enhancement and support for the classroom team. One step at a time...one foot in front of the other......today was a good day.

Thank you all for your support and private emails. You all mean so much to me and my girls!!!

decisions, decisions, decisions

As a Mom, we are always making choices for our children. I know that I question the choices that I make for my girls on an almost daily basis. Some of the decisions and choices I have to make are insignificant like....which outfit will they wear today? Some are much more significant and have the potential to impact lots of other choices I make. I know that most of my friends always question the choices that they make for their children on a daily basis too, so I am not alone in this dilema.

I always joke with my married friends that in some ways it is so much easier being single. After all, I always agree with myself regarding discipline, what to give them to eat, where to go for fun, etc. Of course, in many ways it is difficult, but most of all because I AM THE ONLY ONE making some difficult decisions for them. I have an amazing Mom that I can (and do) always bounce my ideas off of her, but ultimately I make the major decisions by myself, like any other parent.

Some are easy decisions....some not so easy. Some I feel good about....some I don't feel so good about. I remember one of my first major decisions I had to make....the controversial...to immunize or not to immunize. I knew I wanted to immunize my girls, but I felt strongly (or at least I thought I did) about either delaying or separating some of the immuizations. I marched into that first office visit (remember that Emily was 8 months old when I brought her home) confident that she would NOT be getting that MMR. I LOVE my pediatrician.....but I left that visit feeling guilty, defeated, and a bit angry....because Emily DID in fact get the MMR. I know about all of the studies that say there isn't any correlation between the immunization and Autism, but I live it through the many children I see in my school building every day.......I hear the parent's stories....I see that data and the studies that don't support the theory that some immunizations are related to the high incidences to autism.

I wasn't strong enough that day in my peds office, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I made the best decision at the time. In Emily's case, she had no reaction....but what if she had. How would I have lived with that decision.

Our journey with Alyssa has been difficult. She is a sweet and cuddly baby, who has THE STRONGEST personality of anyone I have ever met. Her behavior can turn on a dime and she keeps us on our toes to contstantly try to be one step ahead of her. That means that I always have to plan....plan ways to give her choices in EVERYTHING we do, give her amble time to readjust to new things and transitions, wait out the tantums, provide her with replacement behaviors, etc. Don't get me wrong, when she is having a good day she is wonderful. You would hardly think that she had any challenges at all and we are having more and more "good" days. She has been evaluated by a nuerologist and no specific diagnosis was given, jus the standard.....come back in 6 months. The decision I made was NOT to go back. I didn't particulary care for the doctor and I wasn't particularly looking for any diagnosis. Through EI she has had awesome services and I have NEVER had to fight for what she needs, the support she needs, etc. So we won't be going back to that doctor.

Tomorrow we go to the school district for a CPSE meeting. I made the decision (there's that word again) to transition Alyssa out of EI early. For many reasons.....and after MANY sleepless nights. I can still change my mind at the 11th hour since she can technically stay in EI until August. It really all depends on the outcome of our meeting tomorrow at the district. If they give me what I feel she needs, it probably is best if we transiton her. That means I give up some things that EI offers me, but it also means she *may* gain more time in a classroom. Isn't that where she will develop the coping skills that she is so in need of learning????

Once again, I will question my decisions.....but in the end, I have a beautiful, healthy girl who I will fight to the end to get what she deserves...problem is I am usually fighting the tears through these meetings........ :-)

I pray that all of you that are making tough decisions for your kids will feel good about what you decide and I pray that I make the correct decisions for my girls too......good thoughts and vibes are appreciated.

Can we fast forward and skip tomorrow altogether?????? hehehehehe


Sorry for the rant....cute pictures coming soon!!!

M